Tuesday 19 January 2016

An Alternative History of Literature, as Interpreted by HMDS Printing

At the risk of turning this sporadically updated blog into nothing but a repository for the worst bowel movements of the public domain-scraping automated ebook industry, let's imagine the alternative history of literature suggested by the covers of the classics published by "HMDS Printing...

Alcott's classic tale of cloned urban feminist Leninists

To be fair, you can almost see Fanny.
The beloved novella of American Civil War Primal Scream training

A portrait entitled 'Man in a Hat that Makes Him look Retarded'

Prince Lyov Nikolaevich Myshkin vomited on his shirt and then sucked a lemon to take away the aftertaste. 'Who's an idiot now?" he asked, smugly.

No, Vietnam is on the other side of paradise.

This is actually the cover for the book The Brothers Shaw

No trainer wheels? That IS adventurous!

Australia, Japan, it's all the same, who gives a fuck?

Everyone always wondered how he would end this novel. Nobody thought of the answer 'pretentious woman goes topless with a rug on her head'.

Cormac McCarthy's first draft of The Road was much less effective when every reference to "the father" was written as "Dombey".

The big red A stands for Absolut

How evolution led to cavemen inventing the toilet roll

Bimbo and Bicycle

When Heathcliff dug up his Cathy's body, he was in for a surprise

The Black Arrow. The One-Cup Bra. The Bow Made of Lobsters.

Long John Silver always found it annoying that people refused to believe the story of how he lost his leg.

I just, I mean, what the fuck, I don't know

Anna was winner of series 3 of Real Housewives of St Petersburg

Nothing wrong here, this is a perfect reasonable cover

[Shoots self in head]

[Collapses bleeding on floor]

[Bleeds out]

[All is silence, and blessed peace at last]


Unknown said...

But you can't help wondering about the illustrations...

ВВГ said...

Brilliant covers!

Brian Busby said...

I see that one of their offerings is a bind-up of Hawthorne's The Blithedale Romance and something called The Island of Doctor Moreua.

Deb Morrissey said...

I particularly like how they're all "formated" for e-reader. I do not have great hopes for the quality of the text inside.

Drew said...

I think Tom Sawyer would have thoroughly enjoyed tooling around on a mountain bike.

Anonymous said...

These are so awful, that they are a bit good in an accidentally satirical sort of way. I enjoyed them.

james b chester said...

These are so awful, that they are a bit good in an accidentally satirical sort of way. I enjoyed them.

Age Hill said...

Just plain awful in the graphics/illustration department. But, they couldn't even spell the title correctly in the case of Jane Austen's (Pride and Prejudice)/ Sense and Sensibility!

FreyjaW said...

Bleah. I have some ginger candy around here to help with the nausea...