Demented Genitals

I'll say this for self-published books: sometimes you can tell they're awful without even opening them. How's this for a blurb?


The domino effect was dominating my novice mind in such a way that I was feeling un-alcoholic delirium tremens while looking at her bosom bumping out of her cleavage. I put my mouth there and started licking. I supported her with my hand to lay down there. Her figure was so appealing to me that I was slipping down to the bottom. My mirage-burnt heart desired more and more to kiss her entire body. And that made me slip down to her G spot. 

My hand reached down her floss and then felt a soft touch of her labia majora while creeping through her pubic symphysis. From the back, I was still able to see her butt crack intoxicating me to have action gagnée. Her entire physic getting crammed up, was enticing me to give her Aussie kiss. She had a rampant drive of sex and her dazzling beauty was giving me the pre-penetrating feel of ecstasy and orgasm.

This is what happens when robots write porn equipped only with anatomy textbooks and intermittent access to the Indian equivalent of the Urban Dictionary. I'm an Australian, and I have no idea what "Aussie kiss" might mean in this context--normally I'd assume it meant something like a kiss flavoured with beer and charred barbecue meat, delivered during the ad break while watching a football match.

And this is the cover, with its pretty-much unbeatable title.

Vagina insanity. Yes, it certainly is.

(What's even more amazing is that the chap who wrote the book--and blurb--above has also self-published books entitled English Speaking and Grammar and English Word Power. Fortunately, to quote his biography, "[h]e is an international level English, French and Spanish language trainer for thirteen years. Not only down-to-earth but down-to-grave, observed lives from the Pandora of monkeys to the sanctuary of monks, have studied the Geeta, Bible and Qur'an all the three holy scriptures and the entire Oxford Dictionary.")